Salad Fingers is coming back, and I already want to barfNovember 30, 2018
Those of us who grew up online each have our internet albatross. For some, it’s goatse. For others, it’s those viral pre-YouTube jumpscare videos with a screaming face that flashes across the screen for a split second. Mine, regretfully, was Salad Fingers, the animated web series created by David Firth in 2004, about a disgusting, childlike, inexplicably vibrating zombie creature with piquerism and a penchant for rusty spoons. Thus with even more regret I must relay the news that the heinous abomination of my nightmares is getting a new episode sometime in December.
Per The Daily Dot, Firth apparently confirmed back in 2017 that he would be resurrecting his green hellspawn. “Without giving too much away, I will say that Salad Fingers is obsessed with a handheld mirror and he wants Cumberdale to be a real boy,” he told the Dot about the forthcoming 11th episode, which presumably will, like its predecessors, be 10 minutes of pure hork-worthy evil.
In case you missed Salad Fingers the first time around, your life has indeed been blessed. Maybe the static and heavy breathing that accompanied each episode’s mumbled voiceovers were what inspired my visceral dread around the series. Maybe it was the way the character stumbles across the screen like the runner from QWOP, with an unwieldy gait that almost certainly poses an existential threat to anything good in the universe. Maybe, very probably, it had something to do with the ludicrous amount of bodily fluids Firth manages to squeeze into each episode. There’s just so much blood — sorry, I mean “red water.” Going back and watching it again, it’s actually even more disgusting than I remember!
Inexplicably, the series was so popular when it originally aired that it turned into an early creepypasta of sorts. Fan theories abounded on platforms like Reddit and Newgrounds, where the series was originally hosted.
The series is basically ASMR for psychopaths, and I, for one, am not pleased about its return. Maybe you are, though. If so, I urge you to avoid me at all costs, because this journalist does not wish to be murdered today, thanks.